2023: My year of soul searching
I had promised to do better with writing. I have been writing. It hasn’t been here. It has been on FB and Insta. So, forgive me for not keeping to my promise.
This year marked 6 years of being cancer free. I celebrated differently. I celebrated because my mind became whole. My soul became restored to factory default. By now, I would have coiled into my shell or started a spiral of clinical depression and anxiety.
Why was I spiraling at the same time every year?
Wasting half of the year, choosing not to live?
If I had to explain, I would write a thesis. For so long, I did not understand the power of my mind. I did not master myself. What did I discover?
- My body has the tendency to harbor trauma very easily.
- When I face setbacks, which kind of happen quite often, I don’t take time to pause, understand, refuel, recharge, and keep moving.
- I made excuses for being me. There was a subliminal part of me that shrunk or wanted some form of validation from people who are dear.
- I did not understand the difference between joy and happiness fully.
- I felt guilty when I wanted to do me and be me
- With purpose comes a bit of internal conflict you must address.
- I easily felt guilty about the sacrifices I had to make.
These 7 points caused me to shrink. Finally, I began to address each of the points above. For number 1, if you are interested in my history with trauma, check my blog post using certain keywords and read up. I no longer hold it in; I cry, I talk to my therapist, I talk to the Holy Spirit, I feel much better. The thing about trauma, whether mild, blunt, or heavy is that it bruises the body at the molecular level. There is a scientific study that changes happen at the DNA level.
Who needs that? Healthy mind, healthy body; healthy mind, healthy spirit.
“Behold I wish above that you prosper and be in good health even as your soul prospers” – 3 John 1
John did not say spirit. He said the soul. The soul houses our minds. As long as my soul is not healthy, a lot of things about me will not be healthy! I want to be healthy. I want my home to be more healthy. I want my finances to be healthy. I want to have more healthy relationships. I want to be here when my great-grandchildren are born. I want to be able to carry them, no walking stick, no dim eyes, unabated strength.
My grandparents heard of my children. All of them would have seen my children but for some immigration snafu. My mum’s mum was blessed to see Tami and Bolu before the Lord called her home. The rest could have easily seen them too…..but I shrunk. Opportunities were available but I shrunk. Phew.. let me keep it moving.
Today I am very thankful. I am thankful for the next chapter of my life. Most importantly I am grateful for my renewed walk with the Lord. It is wonderful!! I won’t trade it for anything! I don’t apologize for it. Like Minister Sinach said:
I know who God says I am
What He says I am
Where He says I’m at
I know who I am