Falling , Getting Back & Quality of Life

I cannot believe it has been over 6 months since I wrote in this space. May the good Lord forgive me for falling off the radar. Happy holidays fam! Quite an age! For those of you that checked on me, thank you so much. I am grateful for your encouragement, I am grateful for your love. For those who wondered why I was silent but could not reach out, Rrelax and hear gist.

A lot of things happened between June and November. I will start with the good things first. We moved to our new home. My mother in love moved in permanently with us. We had to find a new space that could accommodate our growing family so we moved into a 5 bedroom house. Everyone gets a room, and you are welcome to stay if you are visiting :). Moving is not an easy task. We have lived at Colonel Bell for almost 13 years. Right after hubby and I married, we moved. Our children were born there. Lots of memories were forged there as well. It was not easy and the process became overwhelming. I have just started decorating bit by bit since we moved.

TamBo Foundation was launched. A formal inaugural ceremony took place and the goodwill was spectacular. I am looking for partners to continue to take the message of health advocacy into our communities so if you are passionate about this space, please let us talk. You can follow the foundation and its mission on Facebook and Instagram as well. I also had a thanksgiving concert a day before the launch. It was glorious. Family and friends gathered to help me thank God for surviving treatment.

I also swore allegiance to the flag in July. I became a citizen of the USA! Wohoo!! It has been a 19 year journey and process. I can vote, I can travel to at least 170 countries without needing a visa. Matter of fact, I was in the UK for my cousin’s wedding and I went to Norway for my high school reunion. It felt good not having to apply for a visa. The cost of visa processing alone can pay for 3-day get away to Puerto Rico by the time you calculate visa application fees, transportation, feeding and lodging in NY or any other consular location. All hail the blue passport!

It was a busy summer. In retrospect, I think I bit more than I could chew. I was comparing my old self to the new me. Prior to May I noticed that my body was starting to feel sluggish. I had been weaned off the anti-depressants (they were being used to manage the hot flashes) and my doctors felt I was in a better place. Unfortunately, no one told me my body and my mind will slow down. With the absence of the antidepressants, the cancer related fatigue became more intense. I would try and do long walks to rev up my energy but it was not cutting it per se. I would wake up in the morning feeling exhausted after 8 hours of sleep. It felt as though I had been doing hard work for so long. My body felt gutted. I had to push myself to do a lot of things. I don’t know how I managed this summer.

At first, the fatigue was inconvenient. As time went on, it affected my mind. I began to fear the worst. Was I going to be like this everyday for the rest of my life? Will I have to struggle to get out of bed? I felt lifeless. I had no motivation for anything. No motivation for life. No motivation to pursue my passions. With all that negativity, everything that could go wrong was also going wrong at the restaurant. An employee quit abruptly, equipment began to break down, sales dipped, I was cash strapped. It was ugly.

I knew this was not me. But I could not help myself. I prayed. I cried to God. I felt lonely. I reached out to my psychiatrist and the culprit was identified. I am currently on hormone therapy (tamoxifen and lupron). The Lupron gave me the energy of a flat tire. It was bad. I went back to my oncologist to express my concern. She could not tell me there will be no recurrence. I could only reduce the risks. As long as I was on lupron, I would have mood swings, low energy, fatigue, a lifeless life. I would have to walk around like a shell of myself.

I did not want that. As of last month, I stopped going for my monthly lupron shots and I am only sticking with the tamoxifen. I can still handle that. I will do all I can to take it for the remaining 8.5 years. I believe I am healed. I believe I am out of the wood works. I believe the cancer will not come back. I want to live my life to the fullest: no fear, no fatigue, no negativity. Just living.

As 2019 comes to an end, I look back and I am grateful for the highs and lows. I am grateful for the new relationships and friendships. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for God. Hormone therapy is rough. It is like menopause on steroids. I look forward to recovering from Lupron and living life.

To life, liberty, love and the pursuit of happiness.