But Why? Clients, Customers, Koistomaz

Dear diary,

Mehn….this life is not balanced at all. I called my meat supplier and he told me he could not sell goat with skin for less than $7.99 a pound. I needed 250 pounds…… Help me do the math. It is starting to feel like vector calculus. Everything is maaaad expensive. Yet peepu (people) still want the same quality and quantity at the same price they got it 10 years ago. Yup.

In my world, I have a strata of the wonderful people who patronize me. They are clients, customers and koistomaz.

Clients are heaven’s answer to prayer. I wish I had more of them. Oh Lord of heaven give me more of them!! Lebrando zekeh zuzah!!!! I can sell a cooler of rice to a client for 400 dollars and they will not haggle. They keep it moving. Strictly business. You just want to please them and do right by them. They understand that you are in business. They salute your courage to be in business and they want to help you in the journey by not stressing you out. God is good. They want top service, they demand it and are willing to pay for it. Father in heaven, please send me more clients.Amen!!

Customers, hmm. See ehn, those ones have become family. They must haggle and collect discount. However, they are quick to refer you. In fact, they are the destiny helpers. They just want you to return the favor. They ride and die with you. You need them. They can just be annoying at times. Some of them are quick to remind you of how you started. They know your humble beginnings and are not ashamed to weaponize it if necessary. This life.
…..de tin no balance at all. Mba!

Koistomaz…..hmmmm…..A’udhu bilahi min ash Shaytanir Rajim’. They just want the food for free. And they will still collect change. They will ask you if it is the body of Jesus you are selling if you tell them a tray of peppered goat is $250. One had the nerve to ask of of my associates that question. I wish I could tell him I was in Gethsemane when Jesus’ sweat and blood was mixing. Mtschew. You can NEVER satisfy koistomaz. There is nothing you can do to please them. They revel in unnecessary complaints and criticism. The other day, one had the nerve to call last minute and order designer stew,among others. See how the whole thing went down and judge for yourself.

K: I would like a half tray of designer stew

Me: It is $100

K: Ha!! No o, it is too much.

Me: You can get a quarter tray and stay within your budget .

K: I think I like that. Let’s do that.

Moments later, she sends someone to pick up. She gets her orders and she begins to curse out my employee. My employee calls me ( i am resting) to inform me of the palava. I ask for her number.

Me: ( in my low bass voice because I am pissed beyond measure) Hello this is Tee.

K: Well I did not get a half tray of designer stew! The other items were in half trays.

Me: How much did you pay again?

K: Well, you said 50 dollars so I assumed I was getting a half tray.

Me: Really….(deep breath) whoever sells designer stew to you at that price for that quantity is an enemy of progress and is crazy.

Silence .

K: Oh….I though I was getting a half tray.

Me: But you settled for a quarter tray!!!

K: Oh yeah,… I did….

Me: Have a good day

I cut the phone at quick speed. I am seething like a kettle. Designer stew is a lot of work. From prep to full menu in the bowl is at least 5 hours. To my African American kinfolk, designer stew is glorified chitling stew. It is all the entrails of a cow, thoroughly cleaned, boiled, fried, then sauteed for long hours in hot peppers, habanero and some goodness. You see all that work? And she wanted to pay 50 bucks for 8 litres of stew. Na wa ooo.

Designer stew

At the end of the day, thiis koistomaz’s foolishness was a blessing in disguise. Today, don’t come to me for designer stew if you don’t have your 300 bucks for a full tray. Yup, you heard right.